‘Flexible Working isn’t an option.’ That’s what my employer confirmed during my maternity. I had to choose, my career or my daughter? I chose my daughter, and paid the price.

When I say I paid the price I want to be clear from the off, I do not and never have regretted choosing my daughter.  Every cuddle, every tear, every moment.  The priceless gift of looking after another life… but why do you have to pay the price financially when it would be so easy to turn 37.5 hours, into 30.

I was very happy at work.  I began working age 14 part-time, 16 full-time, and I barely took a day off in 20 years.  I loved work.  I bought a house, married, and my husband and I knew that it would be likely that I would be the one working whilst he was a stay-at-home dad.  But life doesn’t always work as you planned.

Within a couple of years of my first (failed) pregnancy with my husband, I was single and pregnant with a donor.  I loved my job, was satisfied that I would look after us both and as (what I felt like) a middle aged woman I was happy with my decisions, I worked for a small, very family friendly company, where the two mothers worked around school plays and childcare.  But during my maternity leave my employer informed me that she had sold the company, but I was protected under TUPE.

As soon as I knew I would be a single mum I embarked on a law-degree.  I wanted to improve my long term salary prospects to enable me to ensure that my child did not feel the pinch of being bought up in a single parent family, but this was a long-term plan.  A ten year plan.  Something I would have shied away from in my 20s but when you are working on a new life timescale instead of your own, ten years does not seem that long.

Then came the birth of my child, an unbreakable bond that I could have never have imagined, and I was very lucky, the breastfeeding worked really well from the off.  I had a very happy and content baby, and being single really helped me to be nocturnal with her and it did not matter if we slept at 5pm.  Six months in this was still working well, I had attempted to use a pump and a bottle but this messed up the natural production on demand and I produced too much milk that was painful.  Natural was best and so I just fed her and produced the right amount of milk required.  Too much detail for some I appreciate, but it is relevant, as you will see.

I was happy to return to work, but the new location of my work, with the hours, parking etc would mean that I would need to drop my daughter at childcare at 7:30 and I would have collected her at 7pm, 5 days a week, and a shorter day on a saturday.  I would have seen this child on sundays only.  I asked my employer if I could work in a different branch (parking outside) or work reduced hours.  The cold, firm response was ‘flexible working is not an option, the hours and location are fixed and that is what is required under your contract to meet the needs of the business’.  How could I leave this baby?  She needed me, to feed her, nurture her, care for her, instinctively know if she was okay and cuddle her if she cried.  I knew her nappy cry, her hungry cry, her cuddle me cry, and her I don’t feel so good cry.

I chose my child, I had to choose, I had a strong work ethic, long-term professional development plans and I wasn’t shy of looking for work, so I handed in my notice and started looking for part-time work… oh how naïve I was – I did not know that society constructively dismisses you when you are a mother or penalises you for needing to work in school / childcare hours by paying you peanuts.

Within 12 months I had lost my property, reposessed, I was googling what support was available, I had to learn about benefits and make phone calls whereby I was immediately treated as one of life’s scroungers, I was worrying about the cost of being on hold, I was worrying about everything.  I studied and hugged my child and promised her that I would sort this out, but I did not know how hard that would be…

I found a part-time job.  I had taken a 50% paycut for the privelege of working in childcare hours.  I kept looking for better work, but all of them were really low pay, minimum wage or not much over.  I did do them but this leaves you trapped in relative poverty with the additional stress of school holidays.  I was being forced into a life of benefits, tax credits, housing benefit, debt, loans, payday loans.. all because I could not work for my skillset or salary band for 20 or 30 hours instead of 37.5.  I am pretty peed about this.

I was now a single mum on benefits with poor credit, unable to get further loans, unable to get a secure property, unable to get a decent job, I was paying for expensive properties (the only landlords that would have me!) or mouldy properties, or short-term properties, and so on.  The long-term, average rent, decent properties were let out to those not like me.  For 20 years I never complained about a chunck of my wages going missing into a pot incase I needed it one day.  I was happy that we worked that way.  I knew what it was like not to have an NHS (I had to wire £500 abroad so that my sister could get hospital treatment in my 20’s).  I was happy to chip in to a society that looked after each other.  I was happy to chip in to state school as all my friends had children,  but gosh when you need it people really tear you to pieces and make you feel like the lowest of the low, and it is a hard cycle to get out of!  I turned to pay-day loans for rent deficit and this damage is permanent.

If I accept working part-time for low pay as a permanent solution – becuase I am a mum, I will need tax credits and housing benefit for the duration of being a mum, I will need pension credits when I am older and I will never have disposable income to save a deposit to buy a property, and so will forever pay into somebody else’s estate, or the estate of the Crown.  When my friends enjoy cruises in retirement I will be paying rent until the day I die with no disposable income.  All because I could not continue my career, and my salary, part-time.

I am fortunate that with my entrepreneurial mindset I have created a company and the SMBN to help other women in similar situations, but this is because I have been forced out of the sanctuary of employment, pensions, decent salary, great skillset.  Whilst the SRA allows a 20hr per week training contract this is not realistic in the profession, and so my expectations of entering the legal profession were also naive.

I see so many posts by hundreds of women asking what work they can do in school hours.  I see women sob because they drag their babies out of bed as their employer will not allow flexibility.  I see women stressed on forums because they are breastfeeding and under pressure to move to the bottle so that they can get back to work in a few months.  Women are targeted to work from home for free.  Millions of families in the UK are forced into relative poverty becuase the parent can’t continue his/her career AND be a parent.  It’s all for the sake of a few hours, we don’t all have grandparent childcare.  Families are locked into rental properties.  We have wealthy employers and wealthy landlords because the combination of being able to charge high private rent and pay employees a low wage, because the Gov say it’s okay, but the Gov do not live on this wage or pay this rent.  We have sheep instead of leaders.

It is a very sad state of affairs where a woman is punished for doing the most important job in the world.  Taking care of you.

I’m all for shared parental leave if it works for both parents, but if a woman is nurturing and feeding well then this must be the priority in the first 12 months.  Thereafter we should all be able to work and be parents.  And 15 weeks holiday? Schools all need free summer school.

For now I help women who are forced into self-employment gain exposure to their business, because they are TRYING to make it work, where culture has really let them down, and of course PR budget is an issue with all of the above considered, so they need somebody to help them!

Jules

http://www.singlemumsbusinessnetwork.com

 

 

 

Mortgages and Housing Crisis

We have a lot of high profile talk at the moment about the #housingcrisis and a lot of amazing people trying to solve the issue of high private rents – encouraging the building of more affordable homes to enable people to work, and enjoy a decent standard of living, without being cripled by rising living costs and stagnant archaic wages.

And so I ask – why are we not making it possible for everybody to enjoy home ownership?  It shoud be based on affordability – or rather what it being paid out in rent, rather than measured by deposit and credit score.  When you have had a difficult financial past the sentence on your credit file is greater than committing a serious crime against another person.

When one suffers adverse credit is it assumed that they do not manage their money well or they are workshy, when that is not the case – the issue is the cost of living v income – I ask any politician or top 10% earner to live on an income on minimum or living wage and pay private rents and be penalised for having to pay everything else monthly too (higher car insurance, higher utilities etc), and to have to pay water rates instead of water usage because they cannot have a meter because they are tenants.  I was paying £80 a month instead of £18 a month (on-line calculated usage) – so the Water Company boss enjoyed a 21million bonus whilst I had to eat bread.

But this is about mortgages – yes there is always a risk but when a mortage company has so much to gain they should be more liable with the risk for the gain – and why is this so important?

I wrote to the Gov about it (as you do) and asked the question – and they responded that it ‘wasn’t in their interest’ to push mortgage companies to offer mortgages without despoit or good credit score – of course it isn’t.  If you build housing you have a guaranteed income for generation after generation of people who are locked out of homebuying.

When you are a tenant you are unable to enjoy a private life, i.e. pets, landscaping, decorating, even hanging pictures on the wall, and more importantly you will pay rent to the day you die.  You will be worried about that months rent as you draw your last breath.  With home ownership you pay for 25/30 years and than you have your own estate, for your children to enjoy, so that they too are not trapped in private rental, social rental or any other rental that pays to the private estate of another or the estate of the Crown.  Granted your estate goes back to the Crown too if you don’t get your will sorted properly but at least home ownership gives you freedom to a private life and light at the end of the tunnel, so that even if you buy when you’re 40 you have the chance of relaxing a little at 65.  Those in rental will not relax at 65, nor 75, nor 85, nor 95.  So of course it’s not in the inerest of the government to make mortages available to all, they want the income for generation after generation.

The simple matter of a deposit, and credit score locks people out of a decent life, for generations.  These people pay somewhere between £600 and £1200 on private rent every month, just because that person could buy a buy to let.   It is not about being workshy, these are hardworking people who could be paying LESS on a mortage, and have light at the end of the tunnel, and, enjoy a private life and give stability to their children.  Who without stability may need to turn to HB.

I’m so ashamed sometimes of how this country works, or doesn’t work, for those less priviledged with security.

I am not anti affordable housing – I am very pro affordable housing – people need to be able to afford to live and if wages aren’t going to double overnight then housing is crucial, but also mortages would go a long way to solving this crisis and moving half of society out of private rented accomodation which absolutely capitalises at the expense of those less fortunate.  Let’s get both sorted please.

 

Update October 2019 – I have recently learned of a £25K Grant available to landlord to help them bring empty properties up to standard to rent out.  Surely that grant could go to people desperate to get on the housing ladder rather than those set to profit at the expense of those in adversity…